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Gummibärchen

While sewing a new blouse, last weekend, I followed the Ingeborg Bachmann Preis live TV coverage.

The Bachmann Preis in Klagenfurt (Austria) is probably the most famous literary prize for short fiction and excerpts from novels in German speaking countries.

14 writers had been submitted by 7 jury members.

It is a huge event, broadcasted live during two and a half days in Austria, Switzerland and Germany.
The participants read their texts in front of the cameras, a studio audience and, of course, in front of the jury.
After a reading of max. 30 minutes the jury discusses their story for another 30 minutes.
With the writers sitting between jury members. The writers have to - and probably prefer to - remain silent during discussion.

What a stressful situation!

Rumor says, only very highbrow textes are presented at Klagenfurt. It was a positive surprise to me, how well the "arty" part was balanced with more entertaining elements. I really enjoyed to discover new talents and stories.

Probably it was even the bigger treat to my mind in contrast to the non-stop football/soccer talk in all media during the last weeks (The Euro Cup is over now! Hurray! Germans are wearing black today, they lost the final to the Spanish team).

Having not listened to all readings, I caught up on the missing textes via video stream on the internet site.
It was there I discovered, that for the first time, all texts were tanslated into six languages for an international audience. What an astonishing elaboration.

So, if you'd like to discover upcoming literary talents from Austria, Switzerland and Germany, you may forage for them here.

My three favourites were: Tilman Rammstedt (who won the main prize and was chosen the audiance award), Clemens J. Setz and Patrick Findeis. I hope, the translators did a good job and you enjoy their work, too.

They kept hearing a big and spoiled 'NO' answer

I only asked once for a chance for my career

As far as I could put the words together

They kept repeating a big and spoiled 'NO' answer

I beged in my dreams to make it my own way

I only asked once trying to be polite enough

As a child with a couple of words I had in my mind

Thanks to those who broadened my life story

Yet I had the same answer for all my life until now

I don't expect anything from my family no more

WAW!!!

I must be an independent woman

I just want to be independent from nothingness

All the words that belonged to all those others

I am thankful

So are they to mine I believe

The way I defended myself was for fun

That could have been anyone

I am independent from a 'NO' answer

Who knows what they may be doing with what they've got

I may only, looking from many angles and drawing circles, applaud

No surprise is a big and nice party

Yes it's a surprise party

Oh it's a surprise party

I was silently informed about

The small cake I would have had any way

But there must be more to taste

That’s gonna be a nice surprise

The wrong messages I have got

And a couple of dirty lies

I must be ammused with

What comes next

So all these crystallized

All my friends and others have a nice way to stay away today

That must be a surprise

Closest friends of mine and even my parents act like they are not aware

It's my birthday today 

That must be a surprise

That they’ll find me tonight

Yes it's a surprise party

Oh it's a surprise party

I was silently informed about

The small cake I would have had any way

But there must be so much more to taste

I was eight years old when I learned about the "birds and bees."

It was a sunny afternoon, I had just dropped my backpack down at the front door and went straight to the kitchen for a snack.  My mom was in there getting some stuff ready for dinner, I could hear my little sister in the back room playing with her dolls.

"Mom, what's a 'virgin'?"

She looked up from the stove at me with wide-eyes and then slowly narrowed them, spatula in the air.  Her shoulders slumped and she said, "Give me just a minute here and we'll talk about that.  Where did you hear that word?"

"I was at Bible Class today and they kept talking about 'The Virgin Mary'.  Why did they call her a 'virgin'?  ... Oh and I heard it on a T.V. show the other day too, but that time they were talking about a guy at their school."

She quietly finished making dinner, set it to the side to stay warm and told me to come sit on the couch in the living room.  She brought a pencil and a pad of paper with her.  Man, she meant business.  This was not going to be any explanation.

Curiously I looked at her as I sat down, feeling a bit apprehensive at her seriousness. 

A few diagrams later she had thoroughly explained the female reproductive system, the male reproductive system and how they delicately worked together to make a baby.  Following that was a stern lecture about how this process was meant by God to be an act between a husband and wife that loved each other. 

And then she began to cry. 

Tell an eight-year-old little girl that a penis goes in a vagina to make a baby and THEN start crying... and you have pretty much engraved the moment into her mind forever.  And possibly scared the living day lights out of her.

The reason for the tears was soon explained.  My mother put her hand on my shoulder as tears streamed down her face and said that sometimes people who weren't married fell in love and made babies.  That it was NEVER a mistake, it just wasn't the way God intended it and made it much harder for everyone involved.

A light bulb began to go off in my head.  I realized that most kids probably don't remember their parent's wedding day like I did.  I remember it because I was 3 years old on that day.  And the man I now called "Daddy" didn't actually meet me until I was old enough to know I was the only kid in nursery school that didn't have a daddy.

I looked at my mom and I started to cry too.  "Who is my daddy?"

She hugged me and told me that someday when I was old enough to know, she would tell me more, and if I wanted to meet him, that she would be okay with it.  For now, my Daddy was the man that came to every school program, that took us to the zoo, and who was the only person I wanted when I fell off my bike and skinned my knee.  She said that making a baby didn't make you a daddy... loving a child like they were your own did.

Finally I sighed and wiped my tears, looked back down at the drawing my mother had made me.  An hour or so had passed since I had gotten home from school.  From the drawings I looked back at my mothers face, eyes rimmed red with tears, but with a soft smile on her face. 

"But, I still don't know what 'virgin' means." 

At that, my mother started laughing and so did I.

"Hey baby." Bryce greets Nicole with a kiss. "Is Teresa here?" "Yes, she is finishing up." "Good." "What did you say baby?" "I said I am tired." "Oh. Well I will see if Teresa is finished in there." Bryce grabs Teresa from behind and embraces her. "Will I see you later?" The doorbell rings. Nicole yells. "I'll get it!" "I don't..." "Teresa, someone is here for you!" Nicole stands at the door greeting the gentleman. "Come in. I'll see if she is ready." "Bryce!" Walking toward his wife. "Yes honey." "Would you please let Teresa know her friend is here." "Sure." Teresa." "I know. I heard. So I hope you like your office. Here is my card in case you need something." "I just need you." "My ride is waiting." "Bryce, please ask Teresa to see me." "Teresa, Nicole is in the powder room waiting for you." Teresa enters the bathroom where Nicole is drawing a bath. "Did you want to look at the room?" "No, as long as my husband is happy." Nicole stares at Teresa. "So how was your weekend?" "It was fine." "Here is the balance. Are checks o.k.?" "It's fine." Staring a knowing stare. Waiting for her somehow to indicate that she had been sleeping with her husband all weekend. Nicole hands Teresa the check. "Thank You." "Sure." Teresa's boyfriend stands as she walks in. "Are you ready honey?" Bryce looks at her. "Yes. Bryce this is..." "Honey we already did all that. All right Bryce. It was nice to meet you. I hope my baby didn't drive you crazy this weekend with all this interior design stuff?" "No, no. She's cool." "Good." "Let's go honey." "See you later man." "Yeah, see you."

Teresa staring at Bryce and twirling his soft curls with her finger. "You are so handsome. I have never done anything like this before, but somehow it just feels right. I know it's not, but your are irresistible." "You too baby" "What about Nicole?" "What about her?" "I mean where is she? She has been gone an awful long time." "I don't know. I have a message on my cell, let's see if it's her." "Hey honey. I am staying at Lisa's for a few days. Let the decorator in and tell her I will have her check when I return. Love you baby and I really hope you like the job Teresa is doing. Bye." "She won't be home until Sunday. Can you spend the night with me?" "Yes."  

I believe in my country

Not war

I believe in cultural richness

Not what's wrong

I believe in the world

Not lies

I believe in myself

Not disloyalty

I believe in love

Not hate

I believe in unity

Not divisibility

I believe in man as far as I can trust

I believe in love

Not hate

I believe good is existence

I trust in presence

I believe in respect is not hard

Untroubled days are not difficult

Trust in my past, knowing today, writing tomorrows

For better and better generations

Wishing happiness

To be a useful individual

Simply staying away from trouble

To begin now

Forgive harmful thoughts

Before they cause anything wrong

While creating benefits for myself

Never troubleing others

I will exist

Empowered by art

Forever

Life is art

For all those who live and make art live

I want to know what I will do

I do not want to know what I will not do

In my mind

Love gets embarrassed

Since, evil and good has no difference

I have known too much of others

It has been no use

Apart from enjoying the game

Only in my mind

But enough is enough

I want to know what I will do

I don't want to know what I will not do

Once again, RG is up way too early.